Business Ethics Champion Gifts

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

'It's either the worst idea to attract new clients I've ever seen, or the best...'

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Honestly, doing the right thing is going to be a big change for us."

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'I don't care if you are the CEO of a large oil company, you can't claim your soul as a business loss.'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

'And get this: just when I thought the worst was over, the media blasts me for 'opportunistic, predatory business tactics!' Boy, did THAT sting!'

Nepotism

Free-range C.E.O.s

'You US firms think that money can buy everything...but what price an you put on loyalty, integrity, how could you compensate me for losing my friends?'

"The secret of our success? Hard work, cutting edge research and bookkeeping issues!"

Nasty, Shady, and Gruesome equal Massive potential profits

Larry's snout was as clean as a whistle...this made some a little edgy.

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

'Not to toot my own horn, but I'm widely considered to be the spiritual godfather of all the corrupt, arrogant, obscenely overpaid and ultimately disastrous CEOs so prevalent in the past hundred years!'

"Actually, sir, I’ve found that the shortest distance between two points is money."

"Generally accepted accounting practices weren't as generally accepted as I thought."

"Your Board has decided to downsize its commitment to honesty and integrity by around 35% of the fiscal year."

"We'll discuss the ethics of the matter if you're sure you want to open that can of worms."