Business Ethics Enthusiast Gifts

"I hope you don't think that you have a monopoly on ethics."

Have a Box - the red contains a whistle which you can blow before the securities and exchange commission. The blue one has a bonus, which you can take home and spend.

'Acquitted. Acquitted. Acquitted. Very impressive.'

"Our founders built this company on a certain set of principles. But since they're all dead and nobody wrote anything down, looks like we're screwed."

'Take one the moment you begin to feel accountable.'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

Mission Statement: Do Bad Stuff...'All agreed?'

'Wait a minute! Our balance sheet is completely fictious, our profit is based on faked numbers and our register of companies entry is pure nonsense? In that case, they can't sue us for tax evasion because we don't exist!'

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

'A dynamite sales idea, Lou. I'm just sorry I have to notify the police.'

'This is outrageous! I could go to prison for sending miners into an unsafe mine!'

'Forget the market...We're charging whatever our conscience will bear.'

'That's Coleman. He's as honest as they come, which is why we never tell him what we're doing.'

"Item 4 on the agenda - Serving the common good"

'Someday son...all this will be yours.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"Since when is malicious, meanspirited and possibly criminal behavior considered unacceptable."

'I always though you just couldn't buy loyalty until I found myself selling mine for a surprisingly modest sum!'

'See? The private sector is perfectly capable of providing us with affordable health care.'

"When the chairman died just before the shareholder's meeting I thought we had problems, but with the help of FEDEX and a Montana taxidermist things turned out fine.''

'Honesty is the best policy, but surely we can do a lot better than that.'

"Don't do anything rash! It would have a terrible effect on the company's stock."

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

"Your Board has decided to downsize its commitment to honesty and integrity by around 35% of the fiscal year."

"In this company, GDP stands for gree, deception and profit."

'We did invite some women to be on the board. They wanted no part of it.'

'Brilliant securitization scheme, Wilson -despicable within reason.'

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

'Occasionally we do something ethical...so I wouldn't call us 'morally bankrupt'.'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

'I don't normally recommend this fund. It consists of tobacco and alcohol companies, firearms manufacturers and animal testing companies--but in your case I'll make an exception.'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"