Corporate Ethics Enthusiast Gifts

'Smith, throw him out the back and say a truck hit him.'

Ethics - Accounting

If anyone is going to set the moral tone around here, Foster, it will be me.

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Water company bonus.

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

'Risky, but I like it!'

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them?"

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

Sportswasher's

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'