Corporate Ethics Advocate Gifts

'Does anyone see a reason why this new market strategy shouldn't move forward?...It's more an illegal scheme than a strategy, not to mention awfully immoral...in other words, blah blah blah windfall profits blah...'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

Slavery Reparations

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

'Risky, but I like it!'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them?"

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

Sportswasher's

"Honestly, doing the right thing is going to be a big change for us."

Anonymous Donations

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

Nasty, Shady, and Gruesome equal Massive potential profits

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

Arms Industry increases sales by 8.5%

Free-range C.E.O.s

'What you're asking me to do goes against my principles. I'll have to charge extra for that.'

"Tomorrow, we'll take on the tobacco industry."

'And Fenwick, those pesky third quarter stats? Don't tweak 'em �' torque 'em!'

'The following program was made possible by a totally unscrupulous sponsor....'

"If you work hard, exploit your employees, take advantage of a pandemic, use loopholes to avoid taxes,hoard your wealth, and in an act of extreme self-indulgent meaningless vanity, you can someday be an astronaut."