Corporate Ethics Advocate Pillows

'Does anyone see a reason why this new market strategy shouldn't move forward?...It's more an illegal scheme than a strategy, not to mention awfully immoral...in other words, blah blah blah windfall profits blah...'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

Slavery Reparations

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

'Risky, but I like it!'

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them?"

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"Honestly, doing the right thing is going to be a big change for us."

Sportswasher's

Anonymous Donations

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

Have our P.R. people do a report on the beneficial effects of cyanide on river life.

Arms Industry increases sales by 8.5%

Nasty, Shady, and Gruesome equal Massive potential profits

Free-range C.E.O.s

Political Integrity Explained

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

'What you're asking me to do goes against my principles. I'll have to charge extra for that.'

"Tomorrow, we'll take on the tobacco industry."

"Tell me again. Do we weaponize, then monetize, or the other way around?"

'And Fenwick, those pesky third quarter stats? Don't tweak 'em �' torque 'em!'