Corporate Ethics Critic Gifts

"To increase consumer optimism, we're going to put Prozac in the drinking water."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'That's our mission statement.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'I give this one about three months...'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."