Business Ethic Critic Gifts

If commercial spots would tell the truth...

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

Water company bonus.

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Please remember, it's not a lie if it turns a profit.'

"You realize, of course, that I'll have to make a big show of having security escort you out."

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

If business gets any worse I'll have to start laying off relatives.

"Sir, your greed is showing."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?