Work Ethics Gifts

"Considering I punch in and out for you half the time, Larry, I guess it's only fair I keep half your paycheck!"

'It's how he wanted to be remembered.'

'We've got a locum to work part-time, unfortunately it's not the part she spends here!'

Maybe you'd get more work done if you uninstalled that fish tank screensaver.'

'Wanda, I think this is a little beyond the call of duty.'

I think you put it off long enough.

"I know it looks like I'm doing nothing, but looks can be deceiving."

Quit Staring Here, And Get Back To Work!

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"Of course we employ the disabled. Halve the staff here are not able to get to work on time, the rest are not able to focus on the job."

Procrastination vs. Crastinator

'Bark less, work more.'

'Memo to the wife...'

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

'Never be afraid of taking credit for other people's work. . .'

'Get a half-life Mrs Curie.'

"The boss won't be able to make it on time. He asked us to reschedule this meeting to discuss the agenda for our next meeting where we're going to brainstorm strategies to prevent procrastination in the workplace."

'I just don't believe in doing things in a hurry.'

"Right, first of all, which one of you bright, young things decided it would be a 'cool idea' to have a breakfast meeting?!"

Woman works late.

'I thought you wanted to stop early today Ron!'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

Ethics exam cheater.

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

Squeezing the Free Press.

Others will fight for you

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"