Ethical Workplace Enthusiast Gifts

'I don't know what social workers are ALWAYS complaining about...we give them interesting valuable, rewarding work...'

Ethics exam cheater.

Squeezing the Free Press.

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

Others will fight for you

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

"Take special note of the change to our policy on honesty."

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

"Moulting"

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

Tragically Moses didn't see the eleventh commandment.

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

"I have to admit Dick Cheney makes a strong argument for torture. But I still think torturing him would be wrong."

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

'Yep, that does sound like an ethical dilemma, Phil. But relax... it's only a problem if you have a conscience.' 'That's just it! I think I do!!' 'Don't worry, I won't tell a soul.'

'It's not the same. I was caught stealing office supplies. You, on the other hand, got caught stealing ideas.'

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'We have to be forthright with the public. We have to have their confidence. We have to convince them we're working for the common good. Then we can invade their privacy.'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'