Workplace Ethics Fan Gifts

"It's a full-blown empathy attack!. . . help me sneak him out of here before this thing spreads through the entire company!"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Others will fight for you

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

Larry's snout was as clean as a whistle...this made some a little edgy.

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

"Actually, sir, I’ve found that the shortest distance between two points is money."

'And get this: just when I thought the worst was over, the media blasts me for 'opportunistic, predatory business tactics!' Boy, did THAT sting!'

"Generally accepted accounting practices weren't as generally accepted as I thought."

'We're looking for a 'temp' employee to serve time in Leavenworth.'

"Your Board has decided to downsize its commitment to honesty and integrity by around 35% of the fiscal year."

'Memo to the wife...'

"The boss won't be able to make it on time. He asked us to reschedule this meeting to discuss the agenda for our next meeting where we're going to brainstorm strategies to prevent procrastination in the workplace."

"We'll discuss the ethics of the matter if you're sure you want to open that can of worms."

"In this company, GDP stands for gree, deception and profit."

A cat and a dog are embarrassed to find themselves on an elevator together.

"Our founders built this company on a certain set of principles. But since they're all dead and nobody wrote anything down, looks like we're screwed."

"He said it's all about holding on to tradition while embracing the future. I told him to keep his hands to himself."

Quasi-legal Pad.

'Wait a minute! Our balance sheet is completely fictious, our profit is based on faked numbers and our register of companies entry is pure nonsense? In that case, they can't sue us for tax evasion because we don't exist!'

Maybe you'd get more work done if you uninstalled that fish tank screensaver.'

Merchant Bankers - Patience is a virtue, anyone displaying it will be dismissed

Corporate Responsibility - All front with nothing behind it.