Workout Worshipper Gifts

Fitness in church.

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Church for sports worshipers.

Pete Sampras

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Marilyn's Rushmore

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

Church: Open Sundays

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'I guess you're not from around here. In this region of the country football is in the religion section.'

'You know, they call me 'Stinkin' rich' because I even have an employee who takes a shower for me every morning!'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Jennifer Aniston

"Sosa's great, but McGwire is my hero."

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

'Money DOES make me happy.'

Bible Weights

'It's been a mad house ever since the image of Elvis was seen on the wall after I primed it.'

Church Parking

'In life I was scorned for worshipping the Almighty Dollar.'

Surgeons high-five spectators as they enter emergency room.

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

Sermon about 20 minutes

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

'Mom! Can my role model stay for dinner? He's suspended for three games and has nowhere to go.'

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

Yonder: Roll Call Every 15 Min.

'A group of Jennifer Lopez's fans want us to make her a saint!' 'Really? A halo of J-Lo?'

'It would make me feel insignificant if I didn't make so much money.'

'It looks so lifelike!'