Workout Worshipper Pillows

Fitness in church.

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Church for sports worshipers.

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'You know, they call me 'Stinkin' rich' because I even have an employee who takes a shower for me every morning!'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Church: Open Sundays

"Sosa's great, but McGwire is my hero."

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

'Money DOES make me happy.'

Bible Weights

'In life I was scorned for worshipping the Almighty Dollar.'

Church Parking

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

Sermon about 20 minutes

Yonder: Roll Call Every 15 Min.

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

'Mom! Can my role model stay for dinner? He's suspended for three games and has nowhere to go.'

The Alter of Football

'It would make me feel insignificant if I didn't make so much money.'