Wordless Wonder Gifts

"You just watch him Ethel. He'll sit there and say nothing, just to annoy me."

It's no use, Captain. He won't talk.

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

Injured backpacker.

"Some trees in New Hampshire hate being hugged."

Do you think I'm sixty?

'Look man, no wings!'

'Cartoonist thinking'

'No spell-check?? And you call this HEAVEN??'

"Be or be not. There is no question."

Monosyllabic Crisis Center

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

A balloon vendor hands a child his only 'good' face out of many,less than desireable faces.

Will Self deprecation

"You've got web feet"

"I had half a date last weekend."

"Jose Rivera, who wrote the screenplay for 'The Motorcycle Diaries,' is the first Puerto Rican screenwriter to be nominated for an Oscar. He's known for incorporating his life experiences into his award-winning writing."

"Like my old man used to say: 'No news is bad news not yet undelivered.'"

Sportknitting

A cowboy uses a noose for a clothesline.

Wise Cracker

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

Death Watch

"Something light and fluffy."

"I thought you meant a football pool."

"I don't think you'll be granted a divorce on the basis that you claim you 'misspoke' saying 'I do'.'"

'Maybe you should stay away from dental humour.'

Hospitalized intellectuals are ill-literates.

Shows Bundt

'Listen Buddy! After the hot flushes I've been having this is like a resort!'

'You can see concrete things, but not abstract things.'

'If you've got a problem with the way I run things around here, take it up with my nanny.'

"What do you suggest for someone who has been everywhere?"

"I marked the sections where your total contempt for humanity loses its pathos."

School Cafeteria. Today. We served alphabet soup, and the kids got into a food fight. A war of words!