Shirtless Wonder Gifts

"The homeowners association called to remind you there's no shirtless lawnmowing past age forty-five."

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

Express Barber Chair for Chemo Patients

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

Injured backpacker.

'Look man, no wings!'

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after 3 children all day"

"That 'knowledge equals power' thing will take you only so far."

"I had half a date last weekend."

'The fed lowered interest rates today for everybody with hair...'

'He wants some hair restorer for his birthday.'

'Let me know if the fan bothers you...'

"Something light and fluffy."

'Maybe you should stay away from dental humour.'

"Don't drink that, it's hand santizer."

'If you've got a problem with the way I run things around here, take it up with my nanny.'

AL'S GYM, 'We're going to make a new man of you!', 'Will he have new credit cards?'

'I can't understand why I don't lose weight.. I walk five miles a day.'

Kevin was very houseproud and it showed.

"I never appreciated having a cat until I lost my hair."

"What do you suggest for someone who has been everywhere?"

"Freudian Slip"

"Awesome, yes - but what's the point? I mean, aside from the travel reward points."

MasterWitch

'To absent teeth.'

"These days I feel half naked without some electronic device stuck in my ear."

Tarot Lying

"Now that's what I call a deep dish pizza!"

Llittle girl rising a stick horse.

'I was bald by 30, invested the money saved on haircuts in the market, and retired at 50.'

A Witch flies into the Moon.

'Why do you always insist on a NATURIST holiday?'

"I can't cope with these kids; they're eating me out of house and home!"

"You just watch him Ethel. He'll sit there and say nothing, just to annoy me."