Wordless Wonder Pillows

"You just watch him Ethel. He'll sit there and say nothing, just to annoy me."

It's no use, Captain. He won't talk.

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

'Look man, no wings!'

'Cartoonist thinking'

"Some trees in New Hampshire hate being hugged."

Do you think I'm sixty?

Injured backpacker.

'No spell-check?? And you call this HEAVEN??'

"Be or be not. There is no question."

Monosyllabic Crisis Center

A balloon vendor hands a child his only 'good' face out of many,less than desireable faces.

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

"You've got web feet"

Will Self deprecation

"Like my old man used to say: 'No news is bad news not yet undelivered.'"

"I had half a date last weekend."

Sportknitting

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

Wise Cracker

Death Watch

"Something light and fluffy."

'Maybe you should stay away from dental humour.'

Hospitalized intellectuals are ill-literates.

"I don't think you'll be granted a divorce on the basis that you claim you 'misspoke' saying 'I do'.'"

"I thought you meant a football pool."

Shows Bundt

'Listen Buddy! After the hot flushes I've been having this is like a resort!'

'You can see concrete things, but not abstract things.'

'If you've got a problem with the way I run things around here, take it up with my nanny.'

"What do you suggest for someone who has been everywhere?"

"I marked the sections where your total contempt for humanity loses its pathos."

'Ha-ha! My Dad is right! If you say a word too many times, it doesn't sound like a real word anymore!'

"Awesome, yes - but what's the point? I mean, aside from the travel reward points."