Wordless Humorist Gifts

'You have the right to remain silent...'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"You're going to hate yourself."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"I said slime."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

Atomic Bear: Part 21

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

A bird plays the flute to a cat.

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

Gustav Holst

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

I'll admit I haven't been waiting all my life to meet you, but I have waited through a rough pencil sketch, the inking process and Photoshop lettering. Surely that's worth something! !?!

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".