Minimalist Humorist Gifts

"Do I need it? Does it spark joy?"

"He was never one to waste words."

'Ed, I think you need to cut back on the rear view mirror ornaments.'

'No, I'm not impressed by your massive CD collection, they're all internet service provider freebies'

The Funniest Cartoon in the World (Detail).

'A lower salary will allow you to simplify your lifestyle.'

"It may only be two sentences long but I've finally done it. Written the great male romance novel."

Coronavirus: Support for the economy?

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"The Eggsorcist"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"I said slime."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

A bird plays the flute to a cat.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'