Satirical Minimalist Gifts

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

That shows business confidence.

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Man showing in the rain.

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'As you can see,we run a completely paperless office.'

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

"I'm a common dolphin, I swim the west coast of Scotland foraging for fish and squid."

It tells you the time? That's all it does? Well, isn't that just the cutest little thing?

The leaning tower of Pizza.

Give up all my possessions? Did I say Buddhist? I meant Boatist. I'm a boatist.

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

"Cartoonist are harmless? Not at all!! These people have weapons!! Here, see for yourself!"

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

Party-Crashing Ban

Militant Pacifists

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'This is a very dysfunctional company. No one will talk aboaut about the elephant in the boardroom!'

"Alright, fire me. But I'm taking back your "World's Greatest Boss" coffee mug!"

"My parents just raised my home school tuition."

Multiple personalities with blogs.

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

'I don't need such a big office as this. My ego does.'

Now You're Talking

Surgical Self-Service

The Bland Leading the Bland

"He can't speak to you at the moment - he's bonding with his compensation package."

I knew we were in uncharted waters when our chickens started asking questions like these: