Wordless Humorist Pillows

'You have the right to remain silent...'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"The Eggsorcist"

"I said slime."

A bird plays the flute to a cat.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

Gustav Holst

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

'Sheep striptease'.

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'