Headless Humorist Pillows

'I wish I'd heard of this place earlier!'

Zombie standup

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

Snail Pattern Balding.

Mail Pattern Baldness - A man with a bald patch in the form of a mailing envelope.

The barber

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

'I wish I had more hair.' 'Don't be a silly billy. You've got plenty of hair. Here's your bald, I mean your boiled, egg.'

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

A citizen of Gondwanaland.

"Pop, what part of ‘rest in peace’ don’t you understand?!"

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

"I see so much better after cataract surgery and....wow, you're bald!"

Shy Man at Party

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

Swelling

'Global warming, international terrorism, melting polar ice caps, receding hairline... It's all very worrying.'

Set fazers to 'Wet Fart!'

'Going bald isn't all bad - just think, you'll never have dandruff again!'

"We took a yachting holiday last year, strayed into the Bermuda Triangle, miraculously made it home somehow, but Brian's hair disappeared."

Spiritualist Society Parking

"I'm at the office party."

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

"My dad's sunroof is bigger than your dad's sunroof."

Man has special three-pronged comb for the three hairs on his head.

'You have the right to remain silent...'

What Zombies Like to Do After a Nice Lunch.

'They're still waiting for Godot.'