Headless Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'Look, Daddy! A quarter was left under my pillow by the Head-fairy (R) last night!'

Spiritualist Society Parking

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

Crime in bookshop

Men Working Things Out

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'Remember, repeated failure... is no guarantee of eventual success!'

"Wow! Check out the moon."

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

"It's your husband, Mrs. Thompson. He's come unraveled again."

"You're a bureaucrat, Ed. What do you mean you hate paperwork?"

Internet Shoplifting

'Money can't buy happiness, Sims, so instead of a raise, I'm giving you a bottle of prozac.'

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

Spam.

"Dear Author: Thank you so much for giving us the opportunity to reject your work."

Expensive health care

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

A panhandler with a sign that reads "From each according to his ability…. To each according to his need."

'Young lady, stop talking to your dad in such a disrespectful way! After all he's a man with degrees and can fill in his unemployment benefit application in five different languages!'

Universidad

How to create a brilliant cartoon

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'

A citizen of Gondwanaland.

Jimmy Mussolini With "Leon""Precious I cannot be. One more allusion to Gilgamesh and I'll trash out. I make mistakes, just like you, every day. This may be one of them. I'll take the money and walk."

"Well, instead of discussing the book we could discuss why none of us had time to read it."

"I see so much better after cataract surgery and....wow, you're bald!"

"Out of my way! I'm late for that lecture on 'The Importance of Relaxation'!!!"

'Sorry, but sorting through garbage bins for food is pretty much what the future holds for you...'

'Well you know the old saying... if you can't beat 'em you can always google someone who can.'

Workaholics Anonymous Meeting.

Dr Rimbone suffered terribly from 'Dentist's Block'.