Slow-moving Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"Gotta run. Here's my Uber."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Trappist Monk Discord

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'What does it say, Dad?'

HELLth Food Sprouts

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

Clone Factory

"Inactivists"

Trump Tariffs

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

Prescription Drugs '96.

"Facebook VP — you'll be in Circle No. 4."

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

"It's ironic. It looks like you're here because you're such a bad cartoonist."

'Oh my God!! The economy's in ruins! There's no money!'

Obama speaks about Iran's nuclear arms.