Slow-paced Humor Fan Pillows

'First past the post?'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"What do you mean they managed to get away again!?!"

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

The Brothers Grime

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Trump Poutine

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

A Golden Non-Retriever

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Tequila Mockingbird

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'More government surveillance!'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."