Slow-paced Humor Fan Pillows

'First past the post?'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"What do you mean they managed to get away again!?!"

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

The Brothers Grime

10 K Tail-Chase

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

The Snooze Bar.

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Tequila Mockingbird

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

No, I don

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'More government surveillance!'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'