Headless Humorist Gifts

'I wish I'd heard of this place earlier!'

Zombie standup

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Snail Pattern Balding.

Mail Pattern Baldness - A man with a bald patch in the form of a mailing envelope.

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

The barber

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

'I wish I had more hair.' 'Don't be a silly billy. You've got plenty of hair. Here's your bald, I mean your boiled, egg.'

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

A citizen of Gondwanaland.

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

"Pop, what part of ‘rest in peace’ don’t you understand?!"

There's a zip code on your head. It's mail pattern baldness.

All I know is, your Rogaine's all chewed up, and the cat's been coughing like crazy.

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

"I see so much better after cataract surgery and....wow, you're bald!"

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

'Global warming, international terrorism, melting polar ice caps, receding hairline... It's all very worrying.'

Swelling

'Going bald isn't all bad - just think, you'll never have dandruff again!'

Set fazers to 'Wet Fart!'

Shy Man at Party

"We took a yachting holiday last year, strayed into the Bermuda Triangle, miraculously made it home somehow, but Brian's hair disappeared."

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

Spiritualist Society Parking

"I'm at the office party."

"My dad's sunroof is bigger than your dad's sunroof."

Man has special three-pronged comb for the three hairs on his head.

'You have the right to remain silent...'

What Zombies Like to Do After a Nice Lunch.