Woodsman At Heart T-Shirts

"Today, son, you are a man."

"If this Goliath bloke is as big as they say, I can just hang around the forest until he's gone."

Monkey-artist

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

D.I.Y

'They said before they start biting do we practice catch and release?'

"Let's see now - have we got everything?"

"Any beaver can cut down trees, but marquetry, now that's art."

Loggerheads

"My mum's favourite recipes are: birch with mayonnaise, oak with tomato sauce, hazel with Dijon mustard, beech with salt and pepper and pine with soy sauce..."

Lumberjack's Epic Fail

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

'It took me five years to learn, but now I can climb trees! Let's see if that darn cat will laugh at me now...'

Lumberjack's Dog

Lumberjack:'TIMBERRRR!' Tree:'MURDERERRRR!'

DIY Store "I don't know why we come here..."

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

Cutting the tree too early?

A new species just discovered in the Softwood Forest...The TP tree.

"It all started out just fetching sticks, and the business sort of grew from there."

"Oh, I don't forage for acorns anymore....I just order them online!"

'What did I tell you about feeding your pet beaver table scraps?'

"Where did you learn to chop trees?"

"I'm going to knock you on your Axe!!"

"Wait! Wait! Wait! I can tell you exactly what it sounds like if I fall and nobody hears it!"

Cutting Down Trees to Build the Ark

'Yuck Mum, this wood is way too dry!'

'All right, Pal, gimme all the money or I'll open up this biefcase!'

"I don't care about the money. I just hate trees."

Paul's Bunions

'There's no inflammation of the wood pole. . . but he does appear to suffer from hardening of the chain saw.'

'Just my luck. I had about a dozen new lures I wanted to try.'

"Honey, I've got to get going, I'm still searching for the forest."

"Let's surprise Mom with ANOTHER Christmas tree!"

'Hey, Master's bought a Bonzai-tree: Maybe you'll be able to climb that type of tree!'