Wooden Leg Aficionado Gifts

Pirate's beaver problems,

"Man's best friends."

D.I.Y

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

Vivienne Westwood

'What is that? Is that sarcasm?'

Caveman invents an armchair and his dog sits in it.

Lumber Yard. Luxury Homes! Some Assembly Required.

'Oi son, you're not going out dressed like that.'

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

The Piano Dreams Of Home

'It's a coffee-book table.'

The Deer of Spring.

"Great tights!"

"Well I have to go, my ride is here."

'Did they deliver the new couch today?'

After 9pm Harry Lomax slips quietly into cruise control.

"Connect A2 to B3, insert D3 into E5....I hate flat packs!"

Ok, now the Swedish mouse is just showing off. IKEA maze.

'Frank, I think it's about time you bought another pair of boots.'

"It may not be resplendent, Your Highness, but it's totally ergonomic."

Murphy's Bed meets Murphy's Law.

'It never fails. The mud's always one inch higher than my boots.'

I see

"Who let the dining-room set into the liquor cabinet again?"

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

Virgin wool - 'Clippers On a first date What kind of ewe do you think I am'

Pizza Delivery Delays

'We do like the children to have wooden toys.'

'Well, it WAS a pretty coffee table until Dave spilled coffee on it!'

'We'll take it. Come along Rex.'

"So does this Flamingo diet have any side effects?"

Academia in Winter

"I've only just started practicing. I'm hoping the proceeds from these first few sessions will pay for a couch."