Woeful Multitasker Pillows

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

Hassled Mother.

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

Creative entrepreneur at work

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

'I suppose you realize that when I tell everyone back at the office about this you wont be able to tele-commute anymore.'

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

"We are extremely short-staffed here and you would need to be okay with that. For example I’m the janitor, but I also do interviews in between emptying trash cans."

'It's an audio book: I'm too busy to read books...'

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

Are you nodding yes, or nodding off?

Studying and technology

Homeschooling

"You wouldn't believe how many patients he sees in a single day!"

"These days I do a little sub-editing on the side too!"

Having It All

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"...I've only got four pairs of hands you know"

"Hey. Where the hell's my harmonica?"

'I spent today with out spindoctor, and boy, am I dizzy.'