Multitasking Aficionado Pillows

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Can I put the do in with you?"

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

"I'll have to put you on hold. I have a bite on the other line."

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

Hassled Mother.

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

Studying and technology

'It's an audio book: I'm too busy to read books...'

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

Homeschooling

"You wouldn't believe how many patients he sees in a single day!"

Having It All

"These days I do a little sub-editing on the side too!"

'I spent today with out spindoctor, and boy, am I dizzy.'

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"What?!"

'Who's gonna tell her she's wearing two different shoes?'

"If anyone can balance a career with motherhood and state-sponsored terrorism, it's Jeannie."

'I'm a communication expert because I can eat crisps, drink beer, read the news and talk to my wife while watching TV!'

'So you could say 'I'm wearing two hats'.'

Piano eight hands.

'I'm a very busy man - this way I am able to hunt and cook at the same time.'

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."