Multitasking Market Enthusiast Pillows

Artizan Pickles, Medicinal Jams & Sage Real Estate Advice

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

'Perfect. Do you deliver?'

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

Why markets crash.

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

Hassled Mother.

Jumping Wall Street.

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

"AXP 0.78, AIG 1.12, T 2.63. . ."

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

Homeschooling

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

"Market euphoria is at an all time high."

Are you nodding yes, or nodding off?

'It's an audio book: I'm too busy to read books...'

Studying and technology

"When you have my schedule, you need large sticky notes."

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

"You wouldn't believe how many patients he sees in a single day!"