Extreme Multitasker Pillows

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

Hassled Mother.

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

Soccer kids texting

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

"We are extremely short-staffed here and you would need to be okay with that. For example I’m the janitor, but I also do interviews in between emptying trash cans."

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

Studying and technology

'It's an audio book: I'm too busy to read books...'

Homeschooling

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

"You wouldn't believe how many patients he sees in a single day!"

"These days I do a little sub-editing on the side too!"

Having It All

"What?!"

"Everything I needed to know I learned from my mother - but I usually follow up with a YouTube video for verification purposes."

'I spent today with out spindoctor, and boy, am I dizzy.'

'Who's gonna tell her she's wearing two different shoes?'

'So you could say 'I'm wearing two hats'.'

"If anyone can balance a career with motherhood and state-sponsored terrorism, it's Jeannie."

'I'm a communication expert because I can eat crisps, drink beer, read the news and talk to my wife while watching TV!'

Stroller Cellphone