Extreme Multitasker Pillows

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

Hassled Mother.

"I was finishing my homework in the shower to save time!"

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

Soccer kids texting

"We are extremely short-staffed here and you would need to be okay with that. For example I’m the janitor, but I also do interviews in between emptying trash cans."

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

'It's an audio book: I'm too busy to read books...'

Studying and technology

Homeschooling

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

"You wouldn't believe how many patients he sees in a single day!"

Having It All

"These days I do a little sub-editing on the side too!"

"What?!"

The Swiss Arm-y Wife

'I spent today with out spindoctor, and boy, am I dizzy.'

"Everything I needed to know I learned from my mother - but I usually follow up with a YouTube video for verification purposes."

I'm ego surfing right now, looking up my name on different search engines.

'Who's gonna tell her she's wearing two different shoes?'

'I'm a communication expert because I can eat crisps, drink beer, read the news and talk to my wife while watching TV!'

"If anyone can balance a career with motherhood and state-sponsored terrorism, it's Jeannie."

'So you could say 'I'm wearing two hats'.'