Ironic Multitasker Pillows

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Drunk, yet orderly"

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

"I'll have to put you on hold. I have a bite on the other line."

Hassled Mother.

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

Creative entrepreneur at work

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

'I suppose you realize that when I tell everyone back at the office about this you wont be able to tele-commute anymore.'

"Slowly begin to reawaken the body with thoughts of unread E-mails, piles of dirty laundry, and the kids you have to pick up from school."

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

Magic coat fixing problems while walking the dog.

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

Studying and technology

'It's an audio book: I'm too busy to read books...'

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

Homeschooling

"You wouldn't believe how many patients he sees in a single day!"

Merlin realizes too late that he shouldn't be hexing while driving.

"These days I do a little sub-editing on the side too!"

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

'I spent today with out spindoctor, and boy, am I dizzy.'

"Hey. Where the hell's my harmonica?"

'Who's gonna tell her she's wearing two different shoes?'

'I'm a communication expert because I can eat crisps, drink beer, read the news and talk to my wife while watching TV!'

'So you could say 'I'm wearing two hats'.'