Ironic Multitasker Gifts

There's so many things I should be doing that when I procrastinate, I'm multitasking.

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"The problem with these instructions is that they assume I have the attention span to actually read something."

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

"I'll have to put you on hold. I have a bite on the other line."

Hassled Mother.

"Let me put on my 'working' head."

Creative entrepreneur at work

'I suppose you realize that when I tell everyone back at the office about this you wont be able to tele-commute anymore.'

'How soon can I return to work? About fifteen minutes ago.'

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

"Slowly begin to reawaken the body with thoughts of unread E-mails, piles of dirty laundry, and the kids you have to pick up from school."

Magic coat fixing problems while walking the dog.

Homeschooling

Studying and technology

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

'It's an audio book: I'm too busy to read books...'

"You wouldn't believe how many patients he sees in a single day!"

"These days I do a little sub-editing on the side too!"

Merlin realizes too late that he shouldn't be hexing while driving.

The Swiss Arm-y Wife

"Hey. Where the hell's my harmonica?"

'I spent today with out spindoctor, and boy, am I dizzy.'

I'm ego surfing right now, looking up my name on different search engines.

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

'Who's gonna tell her she's wearing two different shoes?'

'So you could say 'I'm wearing two hats'.'