Witty Worshippers Pillows

Church Pastor Paul Lucas - NOW IN 3D

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Drive-thru Church

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'You know, they call me 'Stinkin' rich' because I even have an employee who takes a shower for me every morning!'

'I like it. It's bigger than life.'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'Money DOES make me happy.'

Amen Corner: 'I say 'Aeemeen'...'Aeeemeeen'...'Aeeeeeemeeen'.'

'No, we can never actually see the big cartoonist, but he's everywhere.'

Church Parking

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'In life I was scorned for worshipping the Almighty Dollar.'

"We have a new card line called 'It Must Be Nice'. Congratulate your friends, but with a hint of bitterness."

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

Sermon about 20 minutes

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

Two doors at the church, one labelled cry room the other snore room.

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

'I do wish you would stop asking for change back when they pass the plate.'

"My advice, don't marry for money. You can borrow it for 3.5%."

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

'Pastor, 'confirmed' means we only have to attend church on Christmas and Easter, right?'

"The minister is known to do a mic drop after a particularly good sermon."

"The only emojis I've ever needed is a dollar sign."

'I believe the saying is 'trust but verify,' not 'trust, but what would mother do'.'

'It would make me feel insignificant if I didn't make so much money.'

"Honk if you know Jesus."