Worshipful Wit Pillows

Amen Corner: 'I say 'Aeemeen'...'Aeeemeeen'...'Aeeeeeemeeen'.'

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

Drive-thru Church

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'Are they fresh?'

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

Church Parking

'You're not going to like this - just learned you're being sued for corn seed patent infringement.'

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

'I do wish you would stop asking for change back when they pass the plate.'

Two doors at the church, one labelled cry room the other snore room.

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

"Ever worked out how much we have saved over the years by not having to buy trousers?"

Sermon about 20 minutes

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

"Omniscient?? - I think you're confusing me with google. . .!"

"I'm sick of these bugs"

Quality Assurance

"The minister is known to do a mic drop after a particularly good sermon."

Church Pastor Paul Lucas - NOW IN 3D

"First I was prematurely gray. Now I'm prematurely dead."

24/7 th Heaven

"I just stopped by to say, 'I told you so'."

Bob would go to any lengths to avoid public speaking.

Organized Religion

'It would be so boring here if it wasn't for reunions.'

"I'm sorry, God! We don't allow all-knowing people at our roulette tables."

"I see the new minister's trying to be socially inclusive."