Witty Sports Fan Gifts

'If I fall asleep and my team scores, please fist bump a member of the hired help for me.'

Spiro & Pusho play tennis

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

Alternative fielding positions

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

'Here we go again...'

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

The Cricketer and the Golfer

Footballer kicking his own brain.

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

'Don't get up. ... I've got it!'

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"Cricket...six minutes of excitement crammed into six hours!"

'...Do the Hokey-Pokey and turn yourselves around...'

'It's not your fault, Dewey. Whenever a call doesn't go his way, he goes ballistic.'

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

'The Ref gave out 4 yellow cards, 2 reds and 7 Valentine cards.'

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

"Oh, come on ref. How can you not see that?!"

'Will you lean on the other post for awhile, please?.'

'What do we think? We think it's foolish to skip obedience school and go straight to the NBS...'

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

Why are you dressed like a British lawyer? The term is barrister, but it doesn't surprise me you don't know that. In fact, it helps me make the case I'm here to prove today: That you're a meathead because you suffered concussions playing football. That's ridiculous. Hold on! Let your counsel represent you. I want to be fair. Counsel? Never mind. He seems to have no comment.

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

"Please stand and join us in half-assing your way through our national anthem."

Egads. I've forgotten what the rule is about a runner throwing a leg to base ahead of himself.

'Good morning, class. I am Mr. Penny and will be your coach today. I expect you to behave - no running and jumping!'

'Quick! The NINE iron!!'

Do you really have to do that every time you make a good call? 76. If refs acted like players.