Witty Sports Fan Pillows

'If I fall asleep and my team scores, please fist bump a member of the hired help for me.'

Spiro & Pusho play tennis

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

Alternative fielding positions

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

'Here we go again...'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

Footballer kicking his own brain.

The Cricketer and the Golfer

'Don't get up. ... I've got it!'

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"Cricket...six minutes of excitement crammed into six hours!"

'...Do the Hokey-Pokey and turn yourselves around...'

'It's not your fault, Dewey. Whenever a call doesn't go his way, he goes ballistic.'

"Oh, come on ref. How can you not see that?!"

'Will you lean on the other post for awhile, please?.'

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

'What do we think? We think it's foolish to skip obedience school and go straight to the NBS...'

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

'The Ref gave out 4 yellow cards, 2 reds and 7 Valentine cards.'

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

"Please stand and join us in half-assing your way through our national anthem."

'Good morning, class. I am Mr. Penny and will be your coach today. I expect you to behave - no running and jumping!'

Egads. I've forgotten what the rule is about a runner throwing a leg to base ahead of himself.

'Quick! The NINE iron!!'

'While Dewey distracts the defense, the quarterback simply jogs into the end zone untouched.'

"In this situation, I'd suggest a 5-word sentence with an action verb but hold the exclamation mark."