Ironical Sports Fan Pillows

"Please stand and join us in half-assing your way through our national anthem."

Indoor Climbing Centre for Cats.

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Alternative fielding positions

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

'Here we go again...'

'Don't get up. ... I've got it!'

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

Captain Ahab and Moby Dick in Retirement

"Cricket...six minutes of excitement crammed into six hours!"

'It's not your fault, Dewey. Whenever a call doesn't go his way, he goes ballistic.'

'The Ref gave out 4 yellow cards, 2 reds and 7 Valentine cards.'

'Will you lean on the other post for awhile, please?.'

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

"Oh, come on ref. How can you not see that?!"

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

'Good morning, class. I am Mr. Penny and will be your coach today. I expect you to behave - no running and jumping!'

"In this situation, I'd suggest a 5-word sentence with an action verb but hold the exclamation mark."

False starts.

Egads. I've forgotten what the rule is about a runner throwing a leg to base ahead of himself.

Modern Football

"That was one strange and confusing competition."

FIFA scandal

"OK maybe we should try a different sport."

'Their offense is shifty and often ruthless. I want you to study the videotapes - especially this one showing their quarterback robbing a convenience store at gunpoint.'

"Your fastball is just hanging and your curve isn't breaking at all. What you should do is take an analgesic with some pain-relieving anti-inflammatory ingredients for a few days."

'Good Now stuff that round thing in the hoop,,,, That's basketball,'