Ironic Sports Follower Pillows

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Backfire

Alternative fielding positions

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

'Hey, buddy, do you mind lending me a hand? I appear to be stuck in this thing.'

"Nice haircut."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"It's Friday the 13th. I feel lucky!"

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

Guide dog with eyesight proplem.

"If you don't start misbehaving, there won't be any Halloween candy for you."

Man has a dream about a clumsy sheep.

'I told him we're becoming an endangered species. He just laughed.'

'This is the kind of hat you wear to bed.'

'It's not your fault, Dewey. Whenever a call doesn't go his way, he goes ballistic.'

'He's been at it too long. Now, when the bell rings, Dr. Pavlov salivates.'

Misery Memoirs Bumper Pack.

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

"You mean you blame your failure in life on not having won the Irish Sweepstakes in 1970?"

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

"And Moses climbed the mountain day and night searching for some sort of sign from God when suddenly he saw it"