Witty Sports Lover Gifts

Footballer kicking his own brain.

'No doubt about it... serves are MUCH faster these days!'

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Best save I've ever seen.'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

Ok, ok, maybe you guys are right - maybe I do have a concussion.

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

Pole Vault Rules

'We've conducted a chemical analysis of the beef in hot dogs, and we've determined, Mr Ruth, you are guilty of steroid enhancement.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

"Listen, I've had 25 fights and won all but 24 of them."

'...And Timmy, as usual, will guard goal.'

T-Rex Racing: A Short-Lived Sport

Glenn Hoddle

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

Captain Ahab and Moby Dick in Retirement

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

'In this...um...part of the circle...'

Jack Nicholas - Sun-Visor

Foam finger gets stuck up a foam nose.

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

Dominique Valera - The King/Cat

Free Speech has heavy price.

"I'm sorry I called you boring."