Witty Repartee Fan Gifts

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

'A cheeky red?'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

"You have no idea what it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

The Gilmore Girls

Cold caller.

A lesson in wit

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"Yes, mother, I'm recharging."

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Kids today are so blasé. Her first word was 'meh' instead of mommy."

"At work, they call me benchmark."

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

'I would go to the end of the world for you.' - 'Yes, but would you stay there?'

I'm thinking about cutting off my ear, just like my idol, Vincent Van Gogh. You're a comic strip character, Al. Just use an eraser.

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."

Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to stop texting on his cell phone during my cross-examination? I would, but I'm the person he's texting.

Cylinder Head

'Not tonight, I have a headache,'

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."