Witty Repartee Admirer Gifts

'That's nothing -- I'm serving THREE sentences concurrently!'

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

"Touché"

"I love this time of year."

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

A lesson in wit

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

Cold caller.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

The Gilmore Girls

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Promise me that you'll donate my body to banana bread."

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

"My husband would get out and change the tire, but he has a lug nut allergy."

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

"At work, they call me benchmark."

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

Your honor, would you please instruct the witness to stop texting on his cell phone during my cross-examination? I would, but I'm the person he's texting.

'Not tonight, I have a headache,'

Cylinder Head

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

"The entire time you were talking to Marissa you had a piece of spinach between your teeth."

Young Girl: 'Oh YEAH?! Well my Mum's Toy Boy is YOUNGER than YOUR Mum's!'