Witty Repartee Admirer Pillows

'That's nothing -- I'm serving THREE sentences concurrently!'

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

"Touché"

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

"I love this time of year."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Cold caller.

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

The Gilmore Girls

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

A lesson in wit

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Promise me that you'll donate my body to banana bread."

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

"My husband would get out and change the tire, but he has a lug nut allergy."

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"At work, they call me benchmark."

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

'True but only in practice, not in principle.'

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

'Not tonight, I have a headache,'

Cylinder Head

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

"The entire time you were talking to Marissa you had a piece of spinach between your teeth."

'And now the other leg!'

Young Girl: 'Oh YEAH?! Well my Mum's Toy Boy is YOUNGER than YOUR Mum's!'