Witty Repartee Fans Gifts

Acme Stupidity Insurance. It's an idea whose time has come.

'A cheeky red?'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

Cold caller.

A lesson in wit

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

"Yes, mother, I'm recharging."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

"My husband would get out and change the tire, but he has a lug nut allergy."

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

'I would go to the end of the world for you.' - 'Yes, but would you stay there?'

I'm thinking about cutting off my ear, just like my idol, Vincent Van Gogh. You're a comic strip character, Al. Just use an eraser.

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

"Kids today are so blasé. Her first word was 'meh' instead of mommy."

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

'Today is. . . Tuesday! We are going. . . on a picnic. . . I am. . . an idiot.'

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

'Not tonight, I have a headache,'

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."