Witty Dialogue Fans Gifts

"Kids today are so blasé. Her first word was 'meh' instead of mommy."

'A cheeky red?'

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'Mom can I have another apple?'

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

Cold caller.

Heart To Heart

"What do you mean 'This affair is going nowhere'? This isn't nowhere."

Cops' Right to Beat You in Private Shall Not Be Infringed

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"Yes, mother, I'm recharging."

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

I'm thinking about cutting off my ear, just like my idol, Vincent Van Gogh. You're a comic strip character, Al. Just use an eraser.

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

'Today is. . . Tuesday! We are going. . . on a picnic. . . I am. . . an idiot.'

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

Cylinder Head

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."