Witty Relatives Pillows

'There's one other thing. Your Aunt left you this, it's a nasty aftertaste.'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Children's Party

Any idea how long your family might be visiting?

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

Stockwell's day

"If you really loved me you wouldn't have called me Euthanasia!"

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

'Did you find any clothes?'

'I don't know what these dots are ... but ya mind if I connect them?'

Thanksgiving.

"No, I thought YOU put the picnic basket in the car."

Christmas reunions!

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

'Oh no! We forgot to unstrap granny before we left!'

"Thanks so much for letting me crash here, I really appreciate how unassertive you are."

'Was it good for you?' 'I haven't finished yet!'

"What's a good time for dinner, let's sync up our calendars..."

'Another hike in college tuition! The costs are already killing my folks!'

"You can probably tell we're a close knit family..."

Mythical Family of Four

A Family Group - Baby Stirring the Pudding

"My husband would get out and change the tire, but he has a lug nut allergy."

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

Samurai offspring.