Witty Excuse Creator Pillows

'I'm not late. I didn't want to come in at all.'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"You'll have to find another excuse. The vet said I should remove salt, fat and homework from my diet."

Homework flavored dog food

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Procrastinator Hall of Fame

"We'd invite you to our place in the country but we're having it torched."

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

Lame Lines

"I have to cancel our plans. I feel a headache coming on."

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

"Sorry we’re late, but apparently the journey of 1,000 miles begins with 'I know a shortcut around this traffic'."

'BEWARE OF DOG (eats homework)'

'I leave it this way, because leaving it this way is a labor-saving device.'

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

'You always say you'll do things tomorrow. . . but you never do.'

"C'mon. I've been saving for a rainy day.''

"My dog deleted my excuses app."

'Of course I've not dusted - you know I prefer a matt finish!'

"I figured by not doing my homework I'd lighten your workload by giving you one less paper to correct."

'Can you stop giving me homework, Miss...My dog's putting on weight.'

'It's not my fault! My dad channel surfs constantly!'

'Jogging's too dangerous for me. I tried it once, and I rear-ended a mailman.'

"It was a huge topical depression bringing with it cyclonic winds, mountainous seas, severe flooding, and a damage bill of millions of dollars, mum!"

This smart phone comes with excuses for not keeping in touch with your mother.

My dog ate my flash drive, and that's where I stored my homework.

'You're in luck. The dog ate my sermon.'