Witty Competitor Gifts

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Danth battle?

The Unsportables: Relay

The Cricketer and the Golfer

"Looks like somebody brought a blanky to a pillow fight."

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

Plane with banner shoots at another.

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

"I carefully examine the data for March madness brackets and every year I lose to Anita, who picks by uniform colors."

Knights of the iPhone

Skateboard Olympics.

'Can we just do this pass-fail?'

A Man mixing up his sports.

Full Of Beans

'Oh, yeah? Well, my dad can pretend to beat up your dad!'

"Foul!"

"My husband would get out and change the tire, but he has a lug nut allergy."

Later accounts would call it the Greatest Water Battle of All Time,

Tug the Toggle

"Better - but it was still too obvious when you went for the pine tar under your hat."

'Which club do I use for a hole in one?'

'You wobbled his knees! Hit him again! Hit him again!'

"All As. What did you get?"

Space Hopper Rodeo

Rugger.

"I like it, but the women will never wear it."

'What do you mean there's no specific rule that forbids a center fielder from doing that?'