Lighthearted Competitor Gifts

'Which club do I use for a hole in one?'

You are not allowed to join the army, little buddy. You don't want me getting hurt in war? I just don't think someone who's never won an arm-wrestling match in his life has any business taking on terrorists. For your information, you're looking at the World Lightweight Champion of Thumb Wrestling, fourteen years running. Not at all the same thing. And my mom said playing video games would never take me anywhere.

'Yes, hon, your stance looks great. However, that's the tee marker. The ball is over here.'

Noughts and crosses hugging and kissing.

The Unsportables: Relay

"Foul!"

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

"Things got heated with the Morgans. I may have wagered our car. You're up."

Danth battle?

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

"Looks like somebody brought a blanky to a pillow fight."

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

The Cricketer and the Golfer

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

Plane with banner shoots at another.

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

A powerful tennis serve loosens the strings of a tennis racquet.

Skateboard Olympics.

'By the way, no one has ever beaten me and lived to tell about it.'

They called her the Olympic Flame because she never went out.

Basketball Players Working Together

'My competitor down the street sasses his parents.'

A Man mixing up his sports.

"I'm feeling generous."

Tug the Toggle

'Oh, yeah? Well, my dad can pretend to beat up your dad!'

Later accounts would call it the Greatest Water Battle of All Time,

Oh, yeah? Well, my dad can reach a higher plane of consciousness than your dad!

"Better - but it was still too obvious when you went for the pine tar under your hat."

'Could this mean that we're finally profitable?'

'You wobbled his knees! Hit him again! Hit him again!'

"All As. What did you get?"

"Tag, you're it!"

'Yes, some mornings I do wake up grumpy - but only if he's oversleeping'

Space Hopper Rodeo