Witticism Fan Pillows

It's smart never to forget your amnesia.

Liquor is legal, not compulsory.

Pressing Problem

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

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Loopholes

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

'Time and tide wait for no woman..'

Sharp Eyes

Counsel's Opinion.

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

Frock Coat

Witty T-Shirt Guy

"What does 'inexplicable' mean..?"

"I would have thought you'd be pleased."

Strike A Balance

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

Neither Here nor There

'Yes, we made something better than sliced bread and built a better mousetrap, but maybe R&D needs new blood.'

Back Down

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

Sheet Music

Army Leader: 'We have ways of making Ewe talk.'

"It's not just his rapier wit that intimidates."

Cosmetics keep men from reading between the lines.

'Ok, well I can give you a full teeth examination, but I suspect that they're all rotten.'

"If your facial expression would normally convey sarcasm, blink twice."

Fair and Square

A young man replying cheekily to an older gentleman

'Steward, this fellow hasn't spoken for a week. Be a good chap and feel his pulse will you?'

Give a weed an inch and it'll take a yard.

The man of the hour is the guy whose wife asked him to wait a minute.

People who love the supine position tend to lie down on the job.