Lovers Of Witticism Pillows

Right Of Entry

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Czarcasm

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

Generic Store: Sign in Window

Jack in the box on strike.

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

Sharp Eyes

" ... and this is my wife - I'm legally obligated to tell you that."

'The secret of life has been unknowable ever since we assigned it to a committee.'

"Stop calling everything Kafka-esque

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

Witty T-Shirt Guy

Pressing Problem

"What does 'inexplicable' mean..?"

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

Frock Coat

'You've a broken lamp and your underlay's dangerously worn.'

G.K. Chesterton.

'Yes, we made something better than sliced bread and built a better mousetrap, but maybe R&D needs new blood.'

'Remember, Henderson - A penny saved is a departmental oversight.'

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

"What keeps me going? The tightening feeling in my chest that if I stop, I'll die."

Coping with Normalcy

'Down here, greed is totally unregulated.'

"Hey! I was looking all over for you. You have the wrong piece of paper."

"It's the best work you've ever done. Still pretty awful."

Liquor is legal, not compulsory.

'Dear Sir. Not much a letter, is it?'

". . . and now, someone who needs no introduction. . ."

'Commons Bar' - "I would never vote to bring back flogging...why should criminals get for free what MP's have to pay for?"

'Give me your bag Oscar, if you want to do the genius gag.'